Building a home: The reality

The reality is that it is excitingly frustrating. It is slow process that moves way too fast. It is a chaotic process that is under control. You get important phone calls on the days you work, and you can't get anyone to answer the phone on the days you don't. Truthfully, it is a roller coaster: today you're feeling good about everything, tomorrow shit hits the fan. And when you really need to discuss some issues with your contractor, he is off hunting some burly animal out of cell phone range.


Our foundations are complete but our frustration arose after their completion when we realized there were some changes that needed to be addressed during the process instead of after the fact. Don't get us wrong the foundations look great; however, there are some changes we wanted to make that affected the foundations. (Of course, we were oblivious of this fact until after the masons had finished, packed up, and gone home.) Indy is on vacay (yes, again, maybe we should be contractors) for a week, and we need some answers. Monday, we will be taking matters into our own hands. Changes mean shelling out dough for those changes. 


Lesson #1: Sit your contractor down and discuss ALL changes up front.

The garage foundation (middle right) and the house foundation (left).

See our house.

See our house's pillars (just in case she gets sleepy).

The positive reality: everything is fixable, and we will love the finished product. Building a home is a great way to practice patience, be each other's best friend, and laugh at that which you cannot control.

Lesson #2: Take a deep breath, have a beer, and spend some quality time with Soxy Paws.


It is fair to say that up to this point we are happy with the end product and we are having fun, but it would be unfair to hide the rather vexing side of the whole process. Building a house is a bit like selling one: once is enough for any person. 

A foundation, a tile, and some gravel, oh my!

It's Turkey Week in the good ole US of A! And we would like to seize the opportunity to give thanks for, well, a lot of stuff (but we're going to stick to the house).

Thanks, Brickworks in Tullahoma, for building three-quarters of the foundation on our home in one day. Your masonry work and efficiency is impeccable. Hopefully, by next week, the mudpit...uhh, crawlspace...will be solid ground once again for a speedy completion. So, Brickwork masons, we wish you many turkeys and issue you many thanks for all the tough work you do. Butterin' brick ain't for the weak!

Mud wrestling, anyone?

And thanks, Timmy (because we're pretty sure it was you), for leaving your 'ho duties behind and depositing gravel on the bottom half of our driveway. Because of you, we feel like we are getting somewhere...like up the driveway! (Geez, if I were any funnier, I'd have to take this show on the road!) Timmy, have a great Turkey Day, and pretty-please-with-gravy-on-top be kind with your bill next week.

Follow the yellow brick road. Okay, so it's not yellow. Deal with it!

Of course we haven't forgotten you, Indy. Thanks for rolling up your sleeves on Monday and digging our water trench and laying our line. (Note: we are also thanking any elves or right-hand-men who were of assistance to Indy during this process, for we do not know the precise details of who actually assisted in defying gravity to make water flow up a hill. Nevertheless, we tip our hats to them.) We would also like to express our appreciation for laying the tile, culvert, or (as I like to call it) the-cylindrical-thing-that-goes-underneath-the-driveway-to-channel-water-and-keep-the-driveway-from-looking-like-a-slop-trough. Indy, I would also personally like to thank you for the voluntary information you presented today: letting us know you'll be out of town next week and how to reach you if need be, discussing with us the timeline of the next two weeks, informing us why our foundation sits five blocks high instead of four, estimating a roof cost and letting us know that we need to go pick one out, and finally for reassuring us that we haven't blown our budget, yet. So, Indy, enjoy that Thanksgiving feast and your week-long vacay doing whatever it is that Indys do. But on Monday, December 6th, vacay is over, and you better get your frame on!

Our hill's been violated! Look away, it's hideous!

It's working!

And last but not least, a collective thank you to Indy, Timmy, and John the Electrician for incessantly calling Duck River Electric in attempts to reach someone there who might, just might, like to place a temporary pole on our land. So electric company, we are all dumber for having dealt with you, I award you no turkeys and may God have mercy on your soul! (Note: very few people will laugh as hysterically as I'm laughing at this last line!)

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!

Building blocks

The footers are dry, batter boards are in place, and the interior of the soon-to-be crawl space is leveled off.  And...we have blocks, sand, and cement mix! We are going vertical, people! After speaking with Indy today, I learned that the masons (or as I like to call them, butter boyz) should begin work tomorrow or next week. Needless to say, moving these blocks from the bustling road below to the top of our knoll (not Noel but knoll) required some creativity on the part of the block boy. Delivered on an 18-wheeler (quite possibly the largest vehicle that tiny little road has ever seen), the driver had to use a smaller secondary truck to shuttle the block bundles up the hill. Ice Road Truckers got nothing on our brave block boy. Then, the poor guy couldn't get the 18-wheeler turned around so he had to back that out of the hollow (a narrow, one-lane road with a blind curve) very, very slowly. I'm sure that was an R-rated endeavor! Poor guy, he earned his money today!

Our unassembled foundation.

We've decided to go for a coastal feel around the house, so they're bussing in sand.

Smooth operator... Noel decided (after watching that show I survived or something like that about a family being robbed by a crazy meth head) that we need a phone jack in case of an emergency. If I didn't know better, I would think he loved me and Soxy. We love you, too, Noella! So we informed Indy of our newest desire, and he actually has some phone line in his shop for us. We don't even have to get some from AT&T. Guess what?! It's not a problem to run the phone line in the same trench as the electricity. By the way, where are our trenches anyway and our temporary electric pole? These electrical people certainly don't move like electricity. And on a side note, Indy is feeling much better.


We are nearing the point when we can get an actual address for our new home. We need some suggestions for a driveway name. We've received one really great suggestion: Casa Blanca Lane (or drive or road or trail). Any others out there? Other possibilities are Whisperwood or Green Woods. As you can see, we need some outside perspectives. 

These feet are made for standin'

Noel has been a machine this week. Mid-week Noel and Timmy, the backhoe operator, laid out the footprint for the house. (Indy was bed-bound with a stomach bug and wasn't able to make the meeting. But that's another long story entirely. Suffice it to say that by the end of the week Noel's frustration with Indy was at its peak. But all is well now.) Nevertheless, Noel and Timmy took care of business. Here's how this worked. The two of them staked the four corners of both the house and the garage. Timmy then staked out all of the house corners with rebar and spray-painted the entire footprint. Back to this in a minute...

We knew that our flooring was set to be delivered this week. Oh, a minor obstacle arose the day prior to delivery. You see Old Dominion, you know that trucking company that is kind of popular, gave Mom (our friendly flooring receiver/contact dudette) a call and informed her that delivery to their house would be impossible with the inclined, graveled driveway and all. Humm...this could be a problem, but never fear we rallied the troops. Meet our troops: Will the uncle, Larry the cable guy, Noel the mole, and Mom the problem-solver. So thanks to all these dudes and the solo dudette for using their brains and brawn to move over 4,000 pounds of bamboo flooring from the grocery store in Lynchvegas (the rally locale) to the garage on Stone Creek Lane.

The eco-message on the side of each flooring box reads: 'This box is brown intentionally. By allowing this box to be its natural color, we are reducing the footprint on the environment. Please recycle this box when you are done.'

Dear Simple Floors, We will happily comply. Much love, Hannah and Noel

We are now one with the water. Going with the flow should be a bit easier now with our new water tap!

Water tap in the nude.

Oh, behave! Cover up your tap!

After the excitement of the flooring and the tap on Friday, Timmy got down and dirty with our footers. Meet Timmy...

Meet our footers... All of our footers are laced with rebar. People, these footers are not made for walkin'.

Meet Timmy and our footers...

And four truckloads of concrete later, we have footers.

And meet Jose...

Oh, don't act surprised! I have about 10 pics of my Latin concrete-smoothin', backhoe operatin', log sawin' luva. Just be surprised that I didn't put all 10 on here. If only he were a cowboy, too...

So thanks Timmy, Jose, Sam (he wasn't as privileged as Jose and Timmy to have his pic in this blog, but we appreciate him nevertheless), and the four concrete trucks for coming to work at 6 a.m. on Saturday and giving our home some solid feet on which to stand.

Up next (we hope)...a contractor who is not sick, some trenches, a temporary electrical pole and maybe, just maybe, some block.

By the way, Indy has locked in our lumber price! Good news considering the price of lumber in going up.

Can you do the electric slide?

The land spent last week drying out from the rain. Good news, though, no more powdery dust. I know the workers are happy to not be blowing dirt out of their noses at the end of the day. On Monday, they were back at it, and I finally learned the bulldozer operator's name -- Mr. Rogers (and, no, he doesn't wear a different swear everyday or talk to puppets). Somehow Noel caught his name but I just did not. Anyway, the 74-year old Mr. Rogers and his compadre, Jose (who happens to be quite the skilled backhoe operator and a friendly one at that), have been working diligently over the past two days to finish cleaning up the house site. Even after renting the chipper, they still had to resort to hauling truck loads (probably about ten total) of natural debris off to some far away land. Cha-ching! Never fear, though, the house site is now completely free of debris. The front yard looks like a yard, minus the grass. It is just beautiful! We couldn't have dreamed of better. (I say 'we,' but Noel gets to see it tomorrow. He will love it; thus, I take the liberty of saying 'we.')


Yesterday, I met with Indy, John the electrician, Drew the electrical engineer, and Eugene the manager of Duck River Electric in Lynchburg. We figured out where to put the electrical pole, the transformer, and the meter (which in our case will be on the garage rather than the house). If it weren't for the dreary, rainy day, trenches would have been dug today...probably, most likely, but it is Indy who's running this show so you never know...but, hey, it's not a problem. In the words of Mr. Costanza, "Serenity now!" I'm only kidding. We love Indy, and he keeps us calm. Surprising, I know. Of course, wine and bourbon help, too. Back to the electricity, they are going to place a temporary pole during construction. Indy has a trencher and will do the honor, and this is no extra cost to us. He will also dig the trench for the water line. Speaking of water, the water department still hasn't placed a tap. Huh, might need to check on that.


Today we met with the geothermal company in Tullahoma who is giving us a bid for a system. We spent an hour with the owner who gave us more information than we could absorb. He has worked with Indy before and has been placing geothermal systems since 1985. Get out in the yard! When we were talking to this guy (Joe is his name and geothermal is his game), he told us that we should consider getting our home EnergyStar certified through Duck River Electric and the U.S. Department of Energy. So, I contacted the electric company and inquired about this so-called EnergyStar certification. Turns out, it is no cost to us, the electric company will guide us through the process if we so choose to proceed, run two tests, and certify the home fo' frizzle (aka free for you white people). We are to contact the electric company once the house is 'dried in,' and they will come out and talk with us on site. Of course, I had to ask what the hell 'dried in' meant. Well, it means once the frame is up and the roof is on. Of course, it does, how could I be so stupid?!


Next steps once the ground dries out: electrical trenches, water trenches, laying out the house with line, and digging the footers.


*Take note that the title of this blog is taken straight from the mouth of the most outspoken tech that I have ever had the pleasure of working with, Sarah. She asked this to one of our chronic pain patients who is morbidly obese and wheels around Kroger in a motorize cart. Every step for him is like hiking to the top of Everest for the rest of us. Really, Sarah, the electric slide?! But I do think your statement fits quite nicely into this blog.